The Forever Dreams
by A-Spirit
Summary: INCOMPLETE...Altenate Universe! Mistakes. Love. Betrayal. Destiny. Two souls. Two lifetimes. They were meant to be together. Now they get a second chance. SSHP slash!
1. I is Prologue

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Pairing:** Severus/Harry.

**Rating: R**

**Summary: **Mistakes. Love. Betrayal. Destiny. Two souls. Two lifetimes. They were meant to be together. Now they get a second chance.

**Author's note: **A very strange sort of **AU**. Short chapters. Very quick updates. Review!

**Author:** **_Spirit_**

_**The Forever Dreams**_

**I - Prologue**

_The fire flickered green. _

_A tall figure dressed in black stepped out of it. He looked hastily around his surroundings, taking note of the large hall that they stood in. Above, the glass panes of the roof swirled, as if a mist in constant motion, was trapped within. The ceiling was high and the hall was wide, which meant that his steps were slightly echoed._

_From the fire, another person emerged. He was younger with unruly black hair and in his hand was a wand that he gripped tightly. His green eyes reflected his panic for a moment before he caught the gaze of the other man. The scowl, the blazing black eyes, the snap of the robe as the other man approached, seemed to calm the young one as he waited._

_"Where are we?"_

_"Where does it look like we are, you fool?"_

_"We are at your Manor? Why? What's going on?"_

_"Look around you. The Manor will tell you soon enough."_

_On cue, there was suddenly a loud wailing sound that seemed to bounce off the walls. The house seemed to pound with the pounding in their ears._

_"The wards -" The younger man said in a panic but was cut off with what was hapening next. The walls around them began to change into mirrors and each mirror showed an army of men in masks and black cloaks. "Death Eaters! We're surrounded!"_

_"Yes we are." The other man said very calmly._

_"What?" The younger man grabbed the other's arm and stared at the pulsing mark of death encripted there. "You...This was a trap...After all this time. After everything. You are still one of them! Are you going to sacrifice me to him now? Are you going to hand me over and join the ranks? Was I your ticket back into their circle? Answer me you traitor!"_

_"Calm down Potter!" _

_"Calm down?" Green eyes flashed a world of anger, pain and the sting of betrayal. "I trusted you. Seven years I trusted you and all this time you were just waiting to do this? How could you? After everything?"_

_He raised his wand and the other who had just been reaching for him froze._

_"No." The green eyes streamed tears now. "I'll kill you first."_

x-x-x

tbc


	2. II to VI is Chapters 1 to 5

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Pairing:** Severus/Harry.

**Rating: R**

**Summary: **Mistakes. Love. Betrayal. Destiny. Two souls. Two lifetimes. They were meant to be together. Now they get a second chance.

**Author's note: **A very strange sort of **AU**. Six chapters of five. Very quick updates. Review! Pre-HBP, but I'll see what I can do to edit it.

**Author:** **_Spirit_**

_**The Forever Dreams**_

**II**

Harry parked his car in the one available space in the parking lot and sighed in relief that at least he had found somewhere. Doing the next thing on his mental list, he climbed out of his car and simply stared at the building before him.

Hogwarts Hospital.

Damn was it beautiful and as luck would have it, he would be working there for the next three months. He couldn't believe it. It was surreal just standing there. He felt like he had come home, which was strange because this town was not exactly where he would have liked to call home.

It was a small town in the middle of God knew where.

It had been a long drive from Surrey but he had been so eager he hardly noticed the miles or the time as they both flew by. He did notice that the larger town was just a few streets away and only about five or ten minutes in the southern direction. That was something to note, in case he got bored with playing doctor for three months.

Not that Harry could imagine such a thing.

His green eyes took in the surrounding area quickly. Well, at least there were modern houses around. The hospital had a weird design as if the renaissance and post modern eras had made a compromise. But the few scatterings of houses, amidst far too much empty but luscious green land, gave him hope that he wasn't stuck in time. London wasn't his scene but then he had decided long ago that neither was Little Whinging, Surrey.

His gaze almost missed it, but once his eyes rested on it something inside seemed to whisper that such a mistake would never have happened. It called to him.

The backdrop of the hospital had a mountain. It was just visible enough to see that there were a few older houses that decorated the green and brown mountain side. They were beautiful from what he could tell of their miniature design, but one of them was different from the rest.

It was larger and obviously older from the design. Seventeenth century perhaps. All the other houses were like stones compared to the radiance of this one house. Even the landscape complimented it. It had the rough design of a castle but there were no flags. Besides everyone in England would have been aware of another castle stuck in the middle of nowhere. This was sheer breathtaking however.

_"Where are we?"_

_"Where does it look like we are?"_

_"We are at your Manor? Why? What's going on?"_

_"Look around you. The Manor will tell you soon enough."_

"God it's gorgeous!" A feminine voice rent the air. "I could stand and stare forever. Only, we wouldn't get any work done that way."

Harry felt a sharp tightness in his stomach and suddenly the world was a little too bright for comfort. He gasped an intake of breath. His heart pounded and for a moment he thought he was going to be sick. The feeling; the vision had been so real he could have sworn that he had been standing in the large hall talking to someone. His mind scrambled to remember who but the images were already blurring badly. He didn't have the strength to fight.

"Hey mate are you okay?"

Harry looked over as another voice spoke. This one masculine. A friendly hand reached out to his shoulder to steady him. Harry smiled as he focussed his attention on warm hazel eyes and hair that rivaled the sun.

"Thanks. I was just a little overwhelmed," he finally answered.

The other guy smiled. "Yeah. This place will do that to you. I live in a town not far from here and see that same house from the distance. It never gets old to just sit and stare at it. When I was younger my mother would tell me the myth about the place."

"There's a myth?"

"Yes there is." The other person approached. The woman that had spoken earlier walked shyly over to them. "Are you two here as the new surgical interns also?"

"Yes." Harry smiled at her. "I'm Harry Potter. Neurosurgery."

"Impressive," she said teasingly. "Hermione Granger. General and Vascular surgery."

"Ron Weasley. Pediatric surgery," the red head said with a grin.

They all shook hands, laughing when their arms crossed with each other. It was comforting to Harry to realize that he had been in the town for just a few minutes and already seemed to be making friends. Granted, they were probably never going to see each other once they stepped through the door but Harry felt a bond fall into place.

"So tell me about this myth," he said with a smile.

Hermione laughed. "The house is called 'The Manor'. The myth has been around since the early eighteenth century and is still going strong. When I heard that I would be interning here I researched everything I could about the area and of course I learned the myth. It's not very believable though. Just that The Manor is cursed. Two people died in there."

"Hey, not just two ordinary people!" Ron interrupted. "They were magicians."

"Alright," Hermione amended. "Two wizards died there. One thought that the other betrayed him. They cursed each other saying that their souls would be bound to the place."

"He didn't just think he was betrayed. He was," Ron interrupted again. "They were lovers. See the first one swore to protect the other no matter what but he broke his word and handed over his lover to the demons of the dark. He bound his lover's magic, stripping him of his defence. When the other realized, he killed him but not before his lover condemned him to spend eternity in there. In retaliation the betrayed wizard used his last breath to curse the other in accompanying him."

"They were gay?" Harry asked incredulously.

Hermione nodded. "We didn't make the legend, we're only telling it."

"What? Do you have something against gay blokes?" Ron asked suspiciously.

Harry chuckled. "Considering that I would fall into the category, I should think not."

That stunned the redhead for a moment. While he stood there, Hermione gestured to Harry and they made their way towards the hospital. It took a second, but Ron finally caught up to them. When he did, they all began to laugh. Harry had never felt so simply accepted in all his life.

x-x-x

**III**

_"Here take it!"_

_"Floo powder? Where are we going?"_

_"I don't have time to explain. Just say what I say. Hurry!"_

_The fire flared green as he threw the powder at his feet. Before him he could see the way similar green eyes reflected concern._

_"Snape Manor!" he shouted, before the world began to spin._

"Good morning Severus!" Came a cheerful voice.

Severus snapped back to reality, glaring daggers at the house in the distance. Usually he avoided looking at it in the mornings for fear that something exactly like this would happen. It hadn't happened in years but now that it had, the familiar feeling of disgust rose in him. Ten years he had a reprieve and suddenly the visions were back in full force.

"Good morning Arthur," Severus answered dryly.

The Pediatrician didn't seem to care about the less than friendly tone. He had worked with the man for years. Had even attended school with him at some point and Severus was still Severus. No wonder the other man had become a surgeon. Arthur couldn't imagine the cold man amongst his sick but enchanting children.

"The interns are coming in today," Arthur said trying to strike up a conversation. "I should know. My son is one of them."

Inside, Severus groaned long and loud. Then he groaned again for good measure.

Of course he would be expected to teach a Weasley. The world was populated by the Weasley clan and the bigger it got was the more Severus found himself in contact with them. Of course. Heaven forbid that he be spared the torment.

"I didn't think I would ever have the pleasure of meeting him Weasley," Severus responded. He was at least polite enough to wait for the older man to catch up to him as he strode towards the hospital. "I was under the impression that the new interns were selected by Dumbledore himself. He assured me that they were brilliant. I was expecting excellence."

Arthur chuckled. "I'll just pretend that I didn't get the implied insult or the one that targetted Albus. I'm sure the Head of the Hospital would just love to know that you think him incompetent."

"Believe me, I have been sure to tell him a thousand times."

"Let me guess." Arthur was grinning by then. "All you got for your troubles was chocolate."

Severus' scowl deepened and that just sent Arthur into a fit of laughter. Everyone loved the Head of Hogwarts. Dumbledore was the kind of man that not many could escape without adoring. Severus was probably the only doctor in the entire hospital who didn't find themself smiling when around the older man. Yet, everyone knew that Severus loved him like a son and for a while there had been rumors that Albus was indeed his father. But then, Albus had the most spectacular blue eyes and Severus' eyes looked like rune stones of the darkest marble.

"Well good luck today," Arthur said at the elevator. Pediatrics was on the fourth floor while surgery was on the first. "Tell Ron hello from me. I'll probably see him for lunch if you don't kill him first. Something tells me that he'll have that effect on you."

Severus raised an eyebrow and forced himself not to sigh again.

Something told him that meeting Weasley junior was not going to be fun either. He would hate to know what the other two were like. No doubt, the three would be blood brethrens by now.

x-x-x

**IV**

"Check in at the front desk every morning to collect your rounds. Leave your cell phone there or carry them to your lockers before you change into your coats. I don't need to tell you that all electronic devices should be turned off while you're here. Weasley should report to the Paediatric ward on the fourth floor, Granger to the mental health ward on the eighth floor first then to the Paediatrics ward. You'll most likely be paged if you're needed anywhere else. Potter, you will become Doctor Snape's next shadow. You go where he goes and I can tell you from now that he will go many places. If there is a surgery in progress you'll report to the O.R. or pick one of the observation rooms. Any questions?"

The nurse with the clipboard smiled at them. She had introduced herself as 'Cho Chang' that morning and then set out to enlighten them. So far all they had managed was to bob their heads and trail behind her as she pointed out each destination in her instructions.

"Doctor Snape?" Harry asked tentatively. "Who is he?"

"I am he," came a smooth masculine voice that had Harry whirling around like a puppy in shock.

Harry felt his breath catch. The man looked ominous as if murder was not so far down on his list. His eyes glared like daggers glazed in black ice. His coat was white of course and his surgical outfit was blue, but somehow the light colours seemed to accentuate the darkness that the man radiated. Long black hair, black eyes...Harry wouldn't have been shocked if on his days off a smudge of black eyeliner, black lipstick and some black nail polish weren't added to the cold demeanour.

"You are the new interns I take it," the surgeon snarled. There really was no other word for the tone. "I thought you would be older."

Ron opened his mouth in protest but quickly closed it. Hermione looked offended but she too held her tongue. Harry couldn't find it in himself to protest because truth be told he was a tad bit too young to be an intern and from the looks of his new friends he'd bet a few gold pieces that they were a little bit too young also.

"Weasley?" Dark eyes rested on the redhead. "Go to Paediatrics. Your father is probably bursting a few coat buttons bragging up there and I'd hate to deprive him of your presence any longer."

Ron fairly ran from their presence.

"Granger?" Hermione's head snapped up a little at being addressed. "Follow Nurse Chang to O.R. 8. There is a patient there that needs prepping for the removal of a frontal temporal lobe tumour. It might do you good to audit a neurosurgery. Ask Doctor McGonagall if you may assist her. I would suggest staying during the surgery. You'll need the hands on experience."

Hermione nodded, flashing Harry a quick smile before she too was on her way.

Alone, the two men assessed each other quickly. Their gaze held a while longer than politely acceptable but neither noticed. It was strange how suddenly everything else became background noise. They reached out to each other to shake hands.

"And you must be Potter." The doctor had a firm grip and hands that didn't feel half as worn as Harry expected. "I am Doctor Severus Snape. Head of the Surgical department. Neurosurgeon."

"I'm Harry Potter," he said trying to sound half as confident as the other doctor did.

_"Brat!"_

_"Traitor!"_

The two men hastily released each other's hand. Harry fought the urge to hide his hands in his pockets like a child would. Although Snape had reacted, he was still very composed. Harry couldn't find any trace that the other man had been snapped into the vision also.

"How old are you?" Snape asked instead in a voice that was softened by intrigue.

"Twenty-three," Harry responded just as softly.

"Fifteen years older then," Snape said thoughtfully. "I was afraid that it would have been ten."

Harry gave him a look of confusion. It seemed to pull the doctor from his musings because soon the scowl was firmly back in place. The doctor turned and began to walk away. It took a moment for Harry to remember to follow.

"What are you? A child genius?"

Harry shrugged although he wasn't too sure that the other man had noticed.

"Something weird like that," he said quietly.

x-x-x

**V**

"Gabby sit still and leave your brother alone!"

"Is he dying mommy?"

"Gabby!"

Harry paused at the entrance to the lobby en route to the nurse's station. In one hand he had about five clipboards that needed to be re-filed and in the other hand his stethoscope dangled. For some reason he couldn't get it to balance around his neck and so he had long ago given up.

The waiting area was full.

People came and went as a constant stream of bodies in motion but for those too injured to move the look of pain or boredom seemed to radiate from their eyes. Most of them had minor looking injuries and it was evident that the nurses milling about were doing their best to tend to the most serious injuries first.

The voices that had caught Harry's attention came from a family sitting near the information booth. It was a mother, her daughter of about five and a boy who looked to be fourteen years old. The boy was sitting with his hands clenched into a fist as he focussed solely on breathing evenly. From where Harry stood, he could see that it wasn't respiratory problems that was the cause of the boy's struggled but more or less an obstruction of the oesophagus.

"May I help you?"

Harry quickly turned away from the family to look at the nurse who had spoken to him. He had been introduced to her at some point in the day but everything was such a whirlwind of colours and actions that mundane sorts of information, such as names, slipped liked water from his memory.

He handed her the charts.

"Doctor Snape would also like to have Doctor Flitwick paged. There is a patient leaving O.R. 6 that had a compulsory lobotomy and will need to be moved to the eighth floor. And he wanted to have the family on stand-by just in case there is still a chance of seizuring. So far the operation seems to have been a success though."

The nurse nodded, granting him a little smile. "Got it. I'll page Doctor Flitwick. I've already informed the family that the surgery was successful. I also have two orderlies from the Psychology ward preparing for the transfer and a room has been prepared for him. Anything else?"

Harry shook his head, then looked around the room again.

"Need any help out here?" he asked, turning back to face her. "It looks a little hectic."

"Here? Well there was an accident with a bus on the highway but no one was seriously injured. Just a few cuts and bruises. Nothing the GP's can't handle."

He nodded. "Okay well, I'll be on break. If Snape needs me then page."

"Will do Doctor." She laughed. "You're doing great for your first day. I've never seen someone stand up to Doctor Snape with quite as much guts as you've shown in the past twenty hours. I can't believe he hasn't strangled you by now. He's usually not one to suffer criticism."

"Tell me about it," Harry muttered with a blush. "I don't think he likes me much."

It wasn't really that Harry had been difficult on purpose throughout the day. He followed Snape's instructions perfectly all day but had learned fairly quickly that when it came to the neurosurgeon he was in a no win situation. If he conceded to everything that the man said then he was chided for not knowing how to draw his own conclusion and if he argued then he had to deal with a very angry surgeon. He had been kicked out of surgery twice already and had been given a lengthy dressing down immediately after the second one for his lack of respect and discipline. Yet the third and fourth surgeries had Snape demanding that he leave the observation rooms and assist. Which meant that he had spent the good part of at least three hours each time being constantly questioned on the procedures underway and the precautions that should or should not be taken in the event of a flatline or a seizure or a broken artery.

Walking out of the last surgery Harry had really wanted to just collapse. His break was something that he was dearly looking forward to.

"Don't worry Jay, the doctor will get to you soon."

Harry had been walking by them again when the mother spoke softly to her son. It was just a statement of reassurance but it touched a cord in Harry. He couldn't remember ever being reassured in such a way. He could remember other things such as being pressured or 'encouraged', but envisioning himself in the young boy's situation he was sure that the people who raised him would have had a few less than pleasant words for him instead of sympathy.

Harry paused, took a deep breath and kissed his break goodbye.

**VI**

"Hi I'm Doctor Potter. I'm a neurosurgery intern here but if you don't mind that, I could take a look at your son and see if I can help."

The look on the mother's face when Harry introduced himself was worth millions. She smiled at him so brightly that for a second Harry thought that she was going to throw herself at his feet for his generosity.

"Oh God we've been here for almost an hour. If you can help I would be so grateful," she said still smiling at him.

"Well give me one minute and let me see his file."

He walked over to the nurse's station again and was promptly handed a clipboard. It was the same nurse that he had spoken to earlier and she seemed to know exactly what he was about to do.

"Careful that Doctor Snape doesn't catch you," she warned him but her smile told him that she highly approved. "He has a lychee seed blocking his oesophagus. It's not too far down but coughing hasn't dislodged it. He's experiencing severe discomfort swallowing, of course. There may be damage to the lining but no bleeding. His breathing is still fairly regular but there is some swelling that could become serious in another four hours. Until then we've just been keeping him under observation."

"Thank you Nurse," he said returning the smile before striding back over to the waiting area.

The family was already standing when he he gestured to them, "No I just need to see the patient. This should be fairly simple. I'll have him back in about an hour."

Harry checked the charts for medical history. He noted briefly that his patient "Julius Neeles" was allergic to peninsulin and had a family history of high blood pressure, before he led the boy into the nearest examination room. He buzzed a nurse, gave her a few instructions and soon he was ready to proceed.

"This should just be slightly uncomfortable but don't worry it'll be over so quickly that you'll barely notice," he said softly. "Now I'm going to recline the chair. Try as much as possible to breath through your nose. All I'll be doing is reaching to pull the seed out. We don't want it going down any further than it already is otherwise it'll be no use trying to get it out from this end anymore."

Julius' laughter turned in a hacking cough that was dry and obviously painful. Harry reassured him with a soft "It's okay. I'll get it out," before showing him a long silver instrument that looked suspiciously like a clamp. Julius didn't seem all that worried to have such an omnious looking thing sliding down his throat, but much of his confidence seemed to come from faith in his new doctor and the relief that he was finally being treated.

Half an hour later, the seed was carefully lifted out and dropped into a metal pan near Julius' head.

Harry looked over at the machine before giving the two assisting nurses and his patient a smile each. There was swelling and Julius had damaged the lining of his oesophagus enough that solid food was going to have to be restricted for at least two weeks. Harry made a note on the chart for a GP to do a checkup within the week for any signs of complications or infections.

"There. All done," Harry said to his patient. "You'll have to drink a lot of fluids and try not to talk a lot, but you're all better for now."

"Thank you," Julius said anyway, which caused Harry to smile.

It was a smile that died on the young doctor's lips quickly. The door to the room was opened suddenly and a shadow blocked the doorway.

"Potter, may I have a word with you this instant. Nurses please see to the patient for me. My intern and I have something to discuss."

Harry looked into the angry onyx eyes of his superior and felt himself falling into an abyss.

x-x-x

tbc


	3. VII to XI is Chapters 6 to 10

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Pairing:** Severus/Harry.

**Rating: R**

**Summary: **Mistakes. Love. Betrayal. Destiny. Two souls. Two lifetimes. They were meant to be together. Now they get a second chance.

**Author's note: **A very strange sort of **AU**. Six chapters of five. Very quick updates. Review! Pre-HBP, but I'll see what I can do to edit it.

**Author:** **_Spirit_**

_**The Forever Dreams**_

**VII**

_"Potter this is unacceptable!"_

_Angry eyes flashed disgust across the room. Everyone else paused. Before them the cauldrons bubbled and smoked out wisps of green and purple clouds, but no one seemed to pay their work much attention. The figure in black cut across the room to stand glaring at his intended target._

_The scroll fell onto the table with a loud clatter. _

_"You will re-do the assignment. I want fifty more inches added and should you fail this time I will personally see that you never set foot into this classroom again."_

_The scroll was picked up by its owner. The large red letter at the top seemed so damning that it was all that the younger wizard could see. The more he stared at it was the angrier he got. Then suddenly the scroll was sailing across the room, headed in the general direction of the retreating figure._

_"You are so unfair! I stayed up all night writing and researching this. There is nothing that I don't know about Vampyre blood that you could tell me right now. Everything in it is right. I even asked Hermione to look it over. There was nothing wrong with it!"_

_The scroll missed the professor's back._

_By the time the student could understand exactly what it was that he had done, the room had gone incredibly silent and only his angry words spewed forth. Slender fingers, flying through the air and violently grasping the collar of his cloak, immediately marked the abrupt ending of his words. Before he knew it, he was being hauled out of the classroom and down the corridors. _

_"You ill-mannered ingrate. I will teach you respect and humility. Get in there!"_

_The door slammed shut. The student was shoved against it so hard that his head bounced on the wood causing a dull thud sound. It took a while to realize that he was not in the Headmaster's office, as he deserved. Instead he was locked in a room with his most hated professor and was about to be punished severely if the look on the professor's face was anything to go by. _

_"I should learn humility?" he asked the wizard who had eyes that were filled with dark and cold fury. "You're an ass Snape! Yes I said it. I'm not a first year that you can torment anymore. I'm nearly sixteen and almost a graduate of this school so I've had enough of your hatred for all these years. I'm not taking it anymore!"_

_The slap echoed loudly within the silence of the room. His cheek stung and his head snapped to the side from the force of the punishment. He fought the instinctive tears that clouded his eyes, with anger so deep that it felt suffocating._

_"You prick! Don't you ever touch me again!" He shoved the bigger man with strength he did not know he possessed. "I don't want your slimy disgusting self near me again. I'm not afraid of you anymore and I'm not taking any more from you!"_

_Those slender fingers slid through his hair to grab brutally at a clump. His head was jerked violently downwards. The pain was intense. He saw red flashes beneath his suddenly closed eyelids. It took a moment for him to remember to open his eyes again._

_When he did, he lashed out with his fist. "Let me go!"_

_The fist connected brutally and this time he found himself careening into the wall at the side. He crumbled onto the floor to stop the dizzying effect of losing control. It didn't last long so as soon as he saw the boots of his professor quickly approaching, he rose to his feet to face the wizard._

"_Potter," the professor began to say in a voice filled with less anger._

_He however was beyond reconciliation. He pulled out his wand, but within a split second it was in his professor's hand. That made him even more livid. He lashed out with his fist again, but again it met with empty air._

"_Stop it!" came the order. "This is very juvenile. You want me to take you seriously? Then stop acting like a five year old."_

_He tried to punch again but this time his fist was caught. Then came the slap against his cheek. This one was more a means of bringing him out of his irrational reactions. Although it did not sting as much, he couldn't believe that he had been hit again._

_A stream of angry words spewed from his lips, some of which shocked even him. He was sure that he was half screaming and the animalistic growls that he was emitting were nothing short of insanity. But he could not stop._

_Something inside him was fuelling this irrationality. It was something that had been building inside of him for a while now, but he did not know what it was. It only showed itself when he was around this professor. He could feel himself being torn apart._

"_Stop it!"_

_This time he wrenched his hand away and wrapped his arms tightly around the cloth-covered neck. He jerked the wizard against his body, wanting to merge or control or possess the one before him._

_Suddenly he was trembling and panting and painfully hard in his pants._

_He was still growling. He ran his fingers through the soft dark strands of hair, wondering why the grease did not bother him. He wanted to taste and touch and taunt. From his lips he could hear his voice begging for unholy things against the shell of the other wizard's ear._

"_Potter stop," he heard softer this time before arms were wrapped tightly around him._

_He gave in to the feeling of being cocooned in a grasp of protection. _

**VIII**

"Oh God," Harry whispered brokenly.

His head reeled from the disorienting effects of the vision as reality came back into focus. He reached out a hand to grasp the first object that his fingers met and was almost happy for the coldness of the chair's metal arms. Gasping for breath, he realized that his legs would not be able to hold him up much longer but since crumbling to the ground as a doctor in a hospital was unprofessional his brain tried to convince his body that he would be fine.

"Here. Drink this."

Harry took the paper cup of water and drank the fluid in one gulp. It helped to stop the tremors that still tingled along his body. After a few seconds he could feel his heart rate slowing down to normal.

"You wouldn't react so strongly if you just accepted that the visions will come and there is nothing that you can do to stop them. It is my experience that they somewhat lessen in the daytime once the dreams start coming."

Harry had forgotten that his superior was still standing before him, but the words managed to get him to focus his attention once more and soon the meaning in the words broke through.

"I'm not going crazy?" he asked, turning frightened green eyes onto the molten black ones still staring at him.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I would not presume that you are not, having only known you for a day, but I can assure you that if you are just now losing your sanity then I have long ago lost mine."

Harry turned that over in his mind. While it was reassuring that his suspicions were correct, he couldn't help feeling that he had jumped off the steepest end of a precipice and would be spiralling for a while. The vision had been so real that he could still feel the sting of the slaps across his face.

"You look like him," he said softly, voicing the only fact that made sense in his mind.

Severus sighed a breath of air before hesitantly reaching out to him. On instinct Harry took the steps needed to bring their bodies closer together. Severus fingers grazed the cheek that he had so violently slapped. His fingertips slid over the sharpness in Harry's jaw.

"And you look like him," he said just as softly. "For years I searched for you. At first it was to counter the visions. I would dream about you. Hear you. Feel you and I didn't even know your name. Now you show up in my hospital and bring this madness back upon me."

They couldn't seem to pull their gaze apart. A multitude of emotions coursed through them and there were whispers that echoed in their minds. Laughter. Sobs. Words that were shouted that made no sense but they knew the spells that each word produced. It really was beyond comprehension, but it was so real that they could not have denied what felt so intuitive.

And then suddenly the feeling faded and there was only the two of them, two strangers, standing far too intimately together.

Severus removed his hand quickly from the vicinity of Harry's face and curled his fingers at his side as if he had damaged them from touching the intern. Harry took about two steps back and blushed fiercely. He tried to meet the cold dark eyes again, but no matter how familiar they looked they no longer felt as familiar anymore.

"Be ready for surgery in fifteen minutes."

When Severus spoke again his voice was indicative of the Neurosurgeon that he was and nothing like the Potions master that his mind kept trying to remind him of being, once, long ago.

"The first forty-eight hours are the most crucial time in an intern's training. I won't have you distracting yourself with petty procedures and unimportant patients. The regular surgeons are quite capable of treating these small matters. You are a neurosurgical intern. What's more, you are my neurosurgical intern so unless I give you my permission you are not to try and perform any other procedure on your own. Do you understand me? You will scarcely breathe unless I tell you to, Potter. Learn that quickly or you might as well leave and never show your face at Hogwarts again."

"As a doctor I made an oath to protect lives," Harry dared to argue.

Severus pinned him with an unforgiving look that spoke volumes about Harry's audacity before repeating, "Be ready for surgery in O.R. 2 in 10 minutes or go home."

When he turned and walked out of the room, Harry saw black robes snap and billow. He wasn't sure if the emotion he felt was dislike or anger, but it came very close to what the wizard in his vision had been feeling.

And that was what frightened him the most.

x-x-x

**IX**

Long ago, when Severus had first started working at Hogwarts he came to realize that being a member of staff meant that he was going to be included as a member of one very big family, whether or not he liked it. He had fought against it. He had fought the other doctors' smiling hellos and the surgical staff's knowing glances or prying questions. He had fought like a man against a wave of friendliness with the only weapon of sarcasm and insults that he had, but in the end he had failed.

Now he simply accepted his fate and ate his meals with the other medical professionals. Which was why he didn't bat an eyelash when his intense scowl trained at the table of twelve - chattering, laughing and far too naive - new members of the hospital, was intercepted by the amused looks of the previous Head of Surgery and her side-kick.

"Hello Severus." They sat on each sides of him at the table.

"Minerva," He greeted, turning the cold scowl to each of them. "Flitwick."

Minerva McGonagall laughed in the prim and proper manner that she was known for. "I see that the other interns have finally arrived. I've been far too busy all morning to take notice of them, but it seems to be a good lot this year."

On Severus' other side Flitwick, one of the other general surgeons, made a scoffing sound. "Speak for yourself Minerva dear. Dumbledore knew what he was doing by bringing in the top three a week earlier than the rest. I don't think my forty-eight hours will go quite as well as you and Severus' night did. Already I think I'll have to limit them to the observation rooms if I am to get any work done."

McGonagall raised an intrigued eyebrow.

"Well Ron and Hermione are good students and are great at following instructions which I am highly thankful for. I have no complaints. But Severus, the nights were all a buzz in the hospital and I'm only now catching up to the gossip. Serves you right for limiting yourself to only one intern per year. In any event, how is your intern? He looks quite young to be specializing, and in neurosurgery no less."

Severus' eyes sought out the one intern he would indeed have the responsibility of training in his special art. Across the room, Harry was the center of attention as he spoke with slightly animated gestures. His laughter rang out in the room and of course everyone else laughed soon after. Even seated between his two new friends and surrounded by a group of nine eager new faces, he exuded the nature of a born leader.

"That is because he is too young," Severus finally answered in a voice low enough to be a growl of words. "He is fresh out of medical school and have no prior training in any practical work, yet he has been given to me to teach the fine art of neurosurgery. His heart isn't in to it."

"That was not what I heard," McGonagall interrupted. "I had him aid me in a liver transplant this morning. The boy knows his surgeries. I waited on the sidelines for him to make a mistake but he was meticulous. And I heard about the patient in the waiting room that he gave up his break to help. He has quite a bit of heart Severus. Perhaps it's too much for a neurosurgeon like you."

Severus glared at her dangerously.

"He never listens to anything that I say. He argues over the simplest procedures as if there is but one way to perform the tasks and meticulous as he is, I've caught him more than once day-dreaming while in the middle of performing a MRI scan. There is no room for minor mistakes when it comes to the types of surgery that he will be expected to perform. And he wants to get close to the patients. He wants to talk to them and become their best friend which is just preposterous with a patient who has spinal cord injuries or a brain tumor near their hypothalamus. The last thing a patient like that wants is to be bored by an able bodied neurosurgeon. He annoys me with his legions of questions or the way he feels it is his duty to take the most humane stand possible on an issue, as if a patient who is already permanently paralysed from the waist down will care if the sciatic nerve is properly avoided during surgery. He is exasperating. He would rather spend seventeen hours in surgery avoiding every minor nerves present than to get the patient out from under anaesthetic as soon as possible and take the faster route."

"And I bet the patient really appreciated the gesture too. I heard about the procedure with the severe Synovial lumbar cyst last night. It's a good thing that you neurosurgeons aren't restricted to nerve operations only. You learn a bit of humility, thankfully."

The voice that interrupted Severus' snarls was the newest GP on staff. Fleur Delacour had spent only a year on residency before decided that she too wanted to try specializing in neurosurgery. After spending three months in Severus' presence, the notion was quickly squashed, but the two had parted on good terms. Another year later now and no one could tell that when she had arrived, she had the strongest French accent that side of England and had spent hours repeating herself to the nurses. She had the fiery French temper to go with it too, but now had mellowed. She still didn't even look that much older than the new interns and could have joined their table if she had wanted, but instead she took the seat directly facing her former teacher.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about," Flitwick piped up the conversation again. "If all he can be is a little too careful then compared to you Severus old chap, I'm going to be sinking."

He jerked a thumb in the direction of the group of interns, indicating a plump looking man who sat enthralled as the three higher interns continued to share about their first forty-eight hours.

"That one over there, Neville Longbottom, almost killed someone this morning." Flitwick was a small man and generally excessively kind so to see him glower was saying a lot. "I don't know why I thought to pick him from the group and take him into the O.R. with me. We were performing open-heart surgery on a middle aged man. Standard bypass, you know. Well he dropped a scalpel in the wound and I tell you it was a hair's breadth away from completely severing the pulmonary artery. Everyone froze for a good minute before we could react. Gave us a damn scare too because the blood pressure dropped and if I hadn't reacted fast enough we would have had a flatline on our hands."

"Perhaps the three can help the others along. It was unfair to bring them in before the rest, but maybe it was for the best. Potter seems to have everyone's respect," Fleur commented with her French accent showing a little at last.

"He's quite the little enigma too," McGonagall said, giving Severus a look. "Young and brilliant but tight mouthed about his past. Reminds you of someone Doctor Snape?"

Severus mentally rolled his eyes at her jab. He gathered up his tray of discarded lunch and rose as regally as he could manage. He tried not to reach over and run his fingers along the inner side of his arm as it tingled in apprehension.

"There is nothing wrong with having a hidden past," he finally bit out. "Now if you'll all excuse me, and since Minerva has somewhat reminded me, I am in desperate need of making a hasty phone call."

He ignored the laughter at the table when he left and the glittering emerald eyes that trailed his every step as he departed.

Standing outside he breathed a deep breath of the fresh air. He hardly made it out of his ward and when he did he tended to forget just how bright the sun was or how cool the air could be. His fingers deftly dialled the familiar numbers on his cell phone. Free time was another thing that he had in scarcity so he usually caught up to his one or two calls once a month when he found the time.

"Severus. My old friend, I have not heard your reassuring voice in so long."

Severus frowned. "Is something wrong Lucius?"

"No, no," the voice on the line was quick to soothe. "Everything is under control now, but I must say that you have perfect timing. I do need a rather stiff drink at the moment. Do you have the time to steal away from that conniving old man whom you have sacrificed your time and freedom to? I could meet you halfway to the nearest town."

"Better my master than the one you served, my friend. " This time his fingers traced the scar he knew was there on his arm. "My freedom is more my own than yours is, but we will lay that issue to rest for now. A drink sounds well enough."

As always, when Severus hung up the phone with Lucius, it was the closest he ever came to smiling.

x-x-x

**X**

"Are you certain about this Nurse Chang?"

Harry had been paged from the cafeteria to the front desk about fifteen minutes after he noted Severus' departure. Standing at the nurse's station he was immediately told the reason for his summon but it left him intrigued.

"Yes I am Doctor," Cho told him with a small smile. "He is leaving now. Ask him yourself."

Harry spun around to look towards the direction that she was indicating. He was not disappointed because Snape was indeed strolling towards them and the exit to the hospital. For a second, Harry froze. His mind went blank as he tried to decipher how exactly Snape managed to get his coat to flutter like that as he walked. And then the answer came to him.

_Piercing dark eyes. A scowl. The dramatic turn. Black robes billowing._

'Practice does make perfect,' he thought just as the surgeon noticed him.

"Is it so hard to follow a simple suggestion Potter?"

Harry couldn't help the smile that rose to his lips at the sound of the barely civil words.

"No sir. I just don't understand. Am I allowed to just take the rest of the day off with no strings or such?" he responded politely despite the grin. "I mean it's a hospital."

"I am aware," Severus said dryly. "You are my intern however and since I have no qualms about walking out of here I see no reason why you should not be able to follow suite. However, if you would prefer to stay here and be a nuisance to McGonagall or Flitwick then by all means go amuse yourself. Whatever you decide, I will not be here. That is why the hospital uses an 'on call' system. It does come in handy in moments like these when I am about to leave you in my wake. Now, do excuse me Potter. I have far better things to be doing and none of them includes a moment more in your presence."

If they were holding wands, Potter's own would have angry red sparks shooting from it... just before cursing his mentor.

It was a very strange thought but it was exactly what came to mind as Harry glowered. Severus didn't dwell on it for long though because just as he was about to shove both the real and imaginary Harry from his immediate consciousness, there was the unmistakeable sound of a mobile ringing.

"Potter!"

Severus looked murderous. Harry blushed. Cho handed him the illegal item that was indeed his, and Harry took that as his cue to escape before he was chucked out of the hospital on his ear. He didn't think that Severus would be there when he returned so he thought it best to savor the fresh air and lack of insults while he still had the chance.

"This is Harry. Talk."

"Mr Potter... It's been a month." There was a pause, before the voice softened. "Please sir, you know you don't have to come."

The phone went dead after that. And with it went Harry's emotions. He actually felt himself going cold and his breath catch. Reality seemed to drain away from the air around him. The words were hardly the omnious type but his reaction was the same as always. It never got easier. It just never did. Every month. And this month he had forgotten. It seemed like a twisted coincidence that Snape had given him the day off right when he needed to do this.

His mind went on autopilot from that point on.

The walk back inside the hospital. To change out of his surgical outfit. Back out the exit. To his car. Turn the key. Press the gas. Drive. Drive. Drive. Two hours of his life passed. He never noticed. It didn't even occur to him that the caller had been right and that he didn't have to be there. Because he had to be. It was why they called to remind him. Because he had to see him. Every month.

The white building rose before his eyes as he parked before it.

White outside. White inside. Shuttered windows and a maze of walls and corridors. Padlocks everywhere. Metal bars. People wearing rubber sole shoes to muffle footsteps. The reasoning was obviously faulty.

Nothing could ever stop the screams.

Harry took deep, shaky breaths. He rested his head against the steering wheel, burying his fingers deeply in the clumps of his hair. He was trembling. Already. He had to stop the tremors because once he stepped through the door and stood before him he would be vulnerable in many ways. Tremors were ammunition that could be used against him. Harry's worst fear was that one day he would end up here with him and as ashamed as it made him feel, he had no desire to spend eternity in such a man-made hell.

He managed to calmly walk through the front door and up to the receptionist.

"Hello Harry," she said softly, giving him a sympathetic look as she always did. "Draco has been waiting for you all morning."

**XI**

They had met in medical school six years before. Draco was the arrogant rich boy whose money was already enough power unto itself while Harry, the orphan who had paid his way through school since he was fifteen, was his exact opposite. They had clashed of course. Their fights became notorious but when they finally saw eye to eye they became inseparable.

They had been best friends long before they became lovers and even after they had moved on to other relationships they had always been there for each other.

The night Harry had found Draco lying unconscious on the dirty floor of the residence bathroom with the syringe of heroin still sticking out of his arm, Harry had gathered him in his arms and driven all night to get Draco to the hospital in the next town so that he would not be recognized. He had been there to watch him go through cold turkey and had stayed strong for his best friend when the other man was so far gone that he offered everything but his soul to get just a little taste of the drug.

Draco had paid the doctors to keep their mouths shut and had sworn to the high heavens that he would never touch heroin again for as long as he lived.

He didn't.

Six months later it was cocaine and a steady stream of alcohol. Bad combination. They were in medical school they knew that, but Harry wasn't exactly given the choice of stating his opinion. Instead Draco would isolate him from his life. There were days when the blonde's door would stay shut and Harry would sit outside pounding or begging for Draco to let him in. When he called the authorities to break the door down Harry would stand back frozen in fear because he couldn't go in. He couldn't deal with the idea that at some time in the night Draco had died from an overdose or worse, had committed suicide.

Harry knew that to the outsiders he looked the part of the distraught lover who was so stupid that he didn't know when to give over and let them take Draco away. But he couldn't let them. He would thank them politely for their help then embrace Draco like the world was infused in the slim body, ivory skin, blond hair and grey eyes. All he needed to know was that Draco was safe. And then they would tell the police that it was going to be okay and no they didn't need any further help and yes they were sure.

See, Harry had been there when Draco hit rock bottom.

He had been there to see the blood that looked like an ocean in the plateau of the huge sitting room. She was just lying there with her eyes still open and the gun held loosely in her hand. The back of her head was unrecognisable as once belonging to a human. Neither Harry nor Draco had looked. They were in medical school. They knew what happened when a person put a bullet in her own head. It wasn't the home coming that Draco had been expecting and it wasn't the view that he had in mind to show his guest but it was Harry that saw and it was probably for the best. Harry had made his own vow that night to protect his Draco no matter what.

When Draco had disappeared one night, Harry had searched the small apartment that the two had finally gotten as roommates. There was nothing there that was incriminating however. Harry had done a thorough search because heaven knew that he was well aware of all the other drugs out there and Draco could have tried anything having already done something as lethal as heroin. It just seemed to be down hill from there so Harry looked for small packets with unrecognisable white powder and was almost relieved when he found none.

He had found the letter though.

It seemed so insignificant but in the end it was Draco's undoing. Harry knew how much Draco loved his father. It was a love that bordered on obsession. So when he found the letter that had come after a year of silence from Draco's father, he understood that Draco could have withstood anything else in the world but to be blamed for his mother's death by the one person he would have given his soul for. Harry was calm as he read it. The words hurt even him, a stranger, with how brutal they were but Harry knew that he would need to be strong if he were to help Draco.

And Draco had been so broken. When he found him curled into a foetal position, Draco had been whimpering like a child on the bloodstains that no one had bothered to clean in the eighteen months. Harry didn't know what to do. So he hugged his best friend tightly against his own body and wished to God that he had the ability to piece him back together. Instead Draco had gotten worse, slipping in and out of reality. He screamed, fought, and used every emotional weapon he had against Harry to try to bring him to his level of pain also.

In the end Harry checked him into the only private mental institution that he knew. He paid for everything. It never occurred to him to ask Draco's father for money to take care of Draco. At some point he was aware that the Lucius Malfoy he had never once either seen hide or head of had gotten wind of his son's condition. He visited him, the nurses told Harry. He left Draco in a worst way after each visit. It never occurred to Harry to write and tell the man to find some other being to torture or to ask if Draco hadn't been dealt enough pain. Instead, Harry made sure to visit Draco every month.

"How is he?" he asked softly.

The nurse shrugged nonchalantly. "The same, mostly. His father came to visit as usual, so he was a bit unruly this morning. He's back into solitary confinement now but you know how he hates that too. We told him you would come see him today. As usual that calmed him down. Just in case though, we gave him a shot to make sure that he doesn't try hurting himself."

Harry nodded. They never told him what shot they gave Draco and he never asked. He didn't think it would make much difference to tell them that he was a doctor, had graduated top of his class and as a neurosurgeon in training he pretty much had a good idea what that shot was anyway. He didn't tell them that Draco would probably know too if he had been sane enough to graduate. Then again, if Draco had been sane then he wouldn't be there.

The nurse unlocked the metal door that was thick enough to render the room beyond, sound proof. Of course when Harry looked inside he could see the restraints that held Draco immobile on the bed that they had tied him to. Draco was awake but his grey eyes were hollow and there was no sign of recognition in their depth. Harry stood back when the nurse began to unlock the restraints on the thin arms and legs and across the slim waist. Draco stayed unusually subdued even after he was free to move.

"You know the rules. Just give the signal if you want us to intervene." She glanced between the fear in Harry's eyes to the cold emptiness in Draco's silver gaze.

Harry nodded as she left the room. The sound of the locks closing sent a tremor through his body. It was his rule for them to lock him in but he never got over the way nausea washed him as the iron door slammed shut.

"Draco?" He said softly, leaning slightly over to look at the face of the man that had once been his best friend. And now there was nothing recognizable behind the physical.

Draco's hand moved so swiftly through the air that Harry only felt the pain of his chin colliding with the base of Draco's palm. Harry's head snapped back so hard that it was like a whiplash. He stumbled backwards in the small room until his back hit the wall.

Draco rose from the bed with a sort of feline grace as he approached.

Harry ducked the fist that came towards him but he didn't see the other hand that moved simultaneously to grab his hair from the side. His head slammed into the wall. Harry saw stars, before his head was shoved back into solid concrete again.

"Draco, it's Harry!"

Draco stopped as if frozen between two realities. He tilted his head to the side, as his face seemed to reflect the confusion that had taken up residence inside him.

"Harry?" Draco reached out to him. Harry knew what would come next.

In a split second the cold look returned but this time it was accompanied by a twist of his lips that made mockery of a smile. Harry tried to escape the arms that formed a barricade at his sides. He silently cursed himself for notifying Draco of his identity while he had no way to escape the coming advances.

Draco had him pinned against the wall with his hips and chest. It always surprised Harry just how much strength was still in the broken man's body. It was enough to cause Harry embarrassment as Draco ground his groin against the jut of Harry's hip. When they were lovers Harry had lived to be in Draco's arms and he had cherished every moment of their intimacy. Standing in a too-small room with a camera for his own protection, the act was a cruel mimic of the love that they had once shared. They had stopped being lovers long before Draco's mother's death but the blond never remembered that part.

Harry shoved him away as hard as he could and watched as Draco stumbled. He hated the revulsion that he felt. He hated the way he felt dirty and he hated the shame he felt when it was evident to him that all Draco remembered him as, was a willing body and a punching bag.

Draco screamed at him before attacking again.

For the first time, Harry saw red in his anger. He lashed out, hitting as hard as he was hit and even harder. He laughed at the blood when Draco's lip split and he shouted just as loudly as Draco was shouting when Draco's fist slammed painfully into his gut. They kicked and screamed and punched each other and the more Draco bled was the angrier Harry got.

So he hit him more, because damn it, he had enough. Because he couldn't save him. Because the Draco he had known had been gone for two years now and Harry wasn't just some object to be used. Because Harry had loved him so much and now he didn't even remember what it had felt like to love Draco.

The years had ruined it and all that stood between them was hollow and empty and spoiled. Harry had held on too long and now he couldn't let go because he had promised. And maybe Harry's heart was ruined too.

So finally he gave the signal.

The door immediately opened and orderlies rushed in to separate them. Harry knew that he would end up with some serious bruises but at least he wasn't bleeding as much as Draco. Draco was screaming. Just screaming like his soul was being sucked out of his mouth by the evil figures in black that Harry had caught glimpses of in his dreams the night before. And Harry wanted to scream too because he was just as hurt and how dare Draco act as if he was in more pain than Harry.

He backed away to the door as he watched the men medicate Draco with another tranquilliser. He vaguely wondered why they hadn't stepped in to prevent him from beating Draco so badly, but they wouldn't have. They had watched over and over, month after month as Draco pounded Harry to a pulp sometimes and somehow it wouldn't have seemed fair to stop Harry now that the tables had turned.

"Come on Harry."

There were two nurses by his side. They led him out the room and corridors, through the door and to his car. He was just as unresponsive as always. Every month that he left the place they would think it was his last. Harry seemed to retreat into himself every time.

This time he sat in his car with his entire body violently shaking. He went through all the memories that he had of Draco. Of the Draco he had known with the flirtatious smile and the quick tongue. He thought about the years they had spent together at each other's side as friends, then more, then friends again. He thought about the screaming, fighting man that he forced himself to face every month that was a stranger now, more than ever. And when the images began to merge and blur before his eyes, he rested his head on the steering wheel of his car.

And he cried.

x-x-x

tbc


	4. XII to XV is Chapters 11 to 15

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Pairing:** Severus/Harry.

**Rating: R**

**Summary: **Mistakes. Love. Betrayal. Destiny. Two souls. Two lifetimes. They were meant to be together. Now they get a second chance.

**Author's note: **A very strange sort of **AU**. Six chapters of five. Very quick updates. Review! **_HBP Spoilers (chapter XV)._**

**Author:** **_Spirit_**

_**The Forever Dreams**_

**XII**

For Snape, the long drive back to the hospital was lost in the haze of his thoughts. His conversation with Lucius had been no less pleasant than usual but more and more something niggled at the back of his mind. He went through the hours that he had just spent in Lucius' company as carefully as he could, sifting through the parts that had caused suspicion.

"Narcissa was weak," Lucius had said softly in relation to his wife.

Perhaps their marriage had not been the best but Severus was Lucius' longest known friend and he had stood beside him at the illustrious wedding that the Malfoy's had given in honour of their heir. Referring to Narcissa as weak was an epiphany to Severus. Not being one to hide his intrigue Severus could not let the comment pass.

"She may not have been ideal but she was the perfect wife. Her beauty, her money and the duty she performed in bearing an heir to your fortune, professes that she performed her tasks well."

Lucius' eyes had narrowed. "And in the end when I needed her loyalty she stole my son away."

"Have you found Draco as yet?"

"Draco?" Lucius' short laugh held no amusement. "Draco, I have come to realize, will never be found again. Not by me anyway. One of the many small sacrifices I have made."

"One of many?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

He reached across the table they sat at to flick the sleeve of Lucius' shirt. On the ivory skin was a tattoo of a snake, wrapped realistically around the upper arm. It was the same mark that Severus wore on his own arm. Neither of the snakes had faded over the years since they got them.

"This was not a mistake Severus."

Severus smiled slightly. "Perhaps not to you, but my allegiance has changed over the years. I gave enough of my soul to the cause and now I realize that as exasperating as life can get, I find that I like my freedom."

Lucius was silent in thought for a while. He stared at the snake on his arm, running the tips of his finger over it as all who had sworn their allegiance to the man who had favoured them with it, did. It was almost a caress. Yet, for Severus who was watching, he no longer found comfort in the mark.

"How did you escape the organization Severus? In all our years, you've never told me." Lucius broke the silence. "What did you do? His power was great. Encompassing. I could not bear to separate myself from his magnificence and I would rather have given my life for his. How did you walk away?"

It had been a difficult question and one that was complicated to answer. Severus had found the courage to leave, but Lucius seemed to have gotten more and more lost as the years passed. When Tom Riddle had been assassinated Severus had been able to view his life in perspective. There were things he had done as a member of the organization that others like Lucius still did. He wasn't one to judge, but he knew that his friend was even less of an innocent man than he was. But Severus had left, Riddle had died, Lucius had lost both his wife and his son soon after... and something had seemed too coincidental.

"What happened to Narcissa, Lucius?" Severus didn't hide his suspicion. "How did she really die?"

"A bullet to the head I believe." His tone was too casual. His sip of wine, too languid.

"Lucius?"

The glass was replaced on the table, casually. Lucius' expression changed to a smile but the coldness of his blue eyes spanned the distance to Severus' own dark gaze.

"Draco is my only heir. She had no right to send him away. He is a Pureblood and a Malfoy. I would have trusted no one but you to teach him Severus but Narcissa has always adhered to her heart first. She is dead now and before you ask my old friend, I did not kill her. Not directly anyway."

Severus knew that there was more than one way to indirectly kill someone. With a past like his and Lucius', Severus was well aware that Lucius didn't have to be in the same country as Narcissa to ensure that if he wanted her to be dead then by the next day she would have been. Unlike Lucius, Severus was atoning for his sins, however.

What had really happened with Narcissa? Where was Draco? What had his dear friend done two years ago? And...far from Lucius and his mysteries, who the hell was Harry Potter and did his appearance in Severus' life have anything to do with the other coincidences?

The questions distracted Severus so long that he hardly realized that not only had he arrived at the hospital but he had also circled the parking lot three times already. Severus quickly got his thoughts together, shoving them away to be examined later. He parked his car and made his way into the antiseptic scented hospital.

"Severus! Good you're back." Severus was accosted en route to the change room by McGonagall. "Scrub in. I really need your help in O.R. 4 right now. I've had Flitwick paged for ten minutes now but there's no sign of him, and it might be too much for any of the interns to handle."

Severus changed back into his surgical garb and quickly joined her in the operating room.

There was only one person in the observation room to watch the surgery. The other interns were probably occupied with Doctor Flitwick somewhere, but to Severus, it was still a surprise to see Potter sitting up there. With just a quick glance at him, Severus could feel the wave of sadness radiating off the new surgeon but he could not spare the time to figure out what Harry was doing back at the hospital so soon or what was wrong to make him look so detached from reality.

Three hours later, Snape was able to signal to Harry to meet him outside as soon as he finished cleaning up.

"Potter." The corridor was empty so the one word sounded louder than it actually was.

Harry turned at the sound of his name, and Severus gave thanks that his steps did not falter when he was faced with the glassy look in the emerald eyes. He stopped to stand before his intern but it might have been too close because Severus was left with the uneasy urge to reach out and offer comfort somehow.

"I've had that dream also," he said quietly instead.

"Did it leave you feeling hollow and confused?" Harry smiled wryly. "I'm sorry Prof - Doctor Snape. I probably do look like I've just lived through a nasty nightmare or something. It's just... The day didn't go quite as well as I had hoped."

"I sent you home."

Harry nodded. "I know sir."

Severus reached out then, before he even realized that he was. Snape had known the man before him for a grand total of seven days but Harry was magnetic to him.

As irrational as it was to have their emotions based on something as strange as a past life, what was building between them was real. It had only been a week and already Snape knew that despite his need to fight against it, it was hopeless to be so close to Harry without wanting to protect him somehow.

It was strange.

Harry leaned into the touch of the warm fingers against his face. When it wasn't enough, he moved even closer, until he was pressed casually against Severus. The fingers that were on his cheek, slid through his hair to cup the back of his head. Harry wrapped his arm around Severus' waist in a loose hug, and when the surgeon did not protest, he tilted his head on Severus' shoulder, pressing his face against the base of Severus' neck.

"Should I enquire as to how your day was in fact spent?"

Harry chuckled softly, sending a gush of warm air against Severus' throat. "You may ask sir, but I would rather not talk about it."

"I thought as much," Severus responded.

They stood like that for a minute or two longer. Neither of them spoke during that time. Neither of them admitted how inappropriate it was to tempt whatever laid between them. Neither of them wanted to let go, but when they did, there were no words that could be spoken to take back the moment.

"Potter, go home," Severus finally said softly. "You'll need the rest."

Harry nodded in submission.

"Yes sir," he said tiredly, before turning and walking away.

x-x-x

**XIII**

"Severus?"

Someone had left the ECG monitor on. The room was overwhelmed by the shrill tone that was indicative of the flatline that ran across the screen, but it wasn't loud enough to distract Snape from the body that was still lying on the operating table.

It had been a woman once. Perhaps one with a family waiting in the lobby or a family that was crying by now. Perhaps she had a career once and maybe all her life she had worked towards it only to have everything end at 11:01 pm on a Thursday night. Now she was a body with a gash that ran the length of her chest from throat to abdomen. And she was dead.

"This is why I try to stick to neurosurgeries." Severus turned to McGonagall. His expression neither held sympathy nor apathy.

"She did not have much of a chance. The truck that ran over her broke every bone in her body that it touched but God, she had no brain damage and for a while it even looked better than it was. Internal bleeding set in. The pedestrians took too long to call the ambulance. The paramedics didn't even spare the time to land properly before they had her rushed in here but it was too late. We tried. We really did. And he... well you know... his first death. He wouldn't let her go and when he did he insisted on calling it. He insisted on telling the family. My interns, Granger and Weasley, were pretty shook up but he was the one helping me the most. He took it hard."

Severus nodded, knowing exactly what it was like.

"Do you know where he is?" he asked her softly.

She shrugged. "I'm not too sure. I'd check the loo first, just in case his dinner made a re-appearance. Maybe the change rooms? I don't know."

He nodded again, taking in a deep breath that he hoped would help him find whatever it was that he needed to console Potter. Minerva smiled sadly at him. She too hoped that he could find a warm place in that carefully cold demeanour. Somehow she felt that if there was someone who would get to the great Severus Snape it would be Harry Potter with his sad eyes and kind soul. Maybe they could help each other.

"I'll find him," Severus said softly, but decisively, before he walked out of the operating room.

x-x-x

_"Potter, you had better have an air tight reason to why at this hour of the night you are out here. I assure you that come morning there will be so many points deducted from your House that it will take years and a bucket of blood to work back up to whatever standing Gryffindor is currently at."_

_Full moon. Midnight. It was cold in the stands of the Quidditch Pitch._

_Harry looked up at where his professor stood blocking the moonlight. For a moment it even hurt too much to keep his eyes open. He was tired. He could feel it in his soul like there was something leeching every happy thought out of him. It was like he had his own pet dementor. It was all too much._

_"Can I just call a cease fire tonight?"_

_Snape looked at him as if he had lost a good part of his mind. Considering the very Muggle words that he had used, Harry was too tired to even mentally argue. He didn't know where the words came from but he was so tired that it really was what he wanted._

_"I mean like a truce," he tried again. "Just for tonight can you just be nice or pretend to be. I swear that come morning you can deduct as many points as you want and give me as many detentions as there can be, to appease your anger but Professor, please, just not tonight." _

_"I don't do nice Potter," Severus stated stoically._

_Yet, he sat down beside Harry and proceeded to also stare blankly at the Quiddith Pitch. He decided to forgo the urge to check the time, knowing that it was probably after two in the morning and having no doubt that Dumbledore would not be amused if he got whiff of their location._

_After a few minutes, Harry reached across and took Snape's hand into his. _

_Snape glanced at him but Harry was still looking at the pitch. He didn't even blink as he intertwined their fingers. Harry was actually grateful when he realized that Snape was indeed going to keep silent. That was fine by him. _

_For some reason it felt okay to be silent with this man beside him._

Harry awoke slowly from the light doze he had drifted into. The small corner that he had found to hide from the pain of the last operation was still mostly secluded, but he knew as soon as he woke that someone was nearby.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm not having the best few weeks."

Severus moved to stand in front of where Harry was sitting, knees tucked in, on the ground looking more like a little boy than a doctor. He reached out to him, but was somewhat surprised when Harry didn't hesitate to take his hand to pull himself up. They stood holding hands for a second longer than necessary before Snape politely pulled away.

"You cannot react like this every time someone dies."

"I know," Harry mumbled with a duck of his head. "It's just that I wanted so much to save her. It just hurts to know that I wasn't good enough to heal her. Three weeks here and already someone dies on my watch and even though rationally we did what we could, I can't throw off the guilt."

Severus' dark eyes narrowed, but it was more a look of sympathy mingled with understanding than an actual angry expression.

"Still trying to save the world, Potter?" he asked lightly.

That got Harry to laugh and he responded with a smile on his face. "Still giving up everything to protect me Professor?"

Severus' fingertips tingled with the urge to reach out and touch the man before him. Instead, he took a step backwards to escape the rush of being so close. Of course, he didn't miss the look of disappointment that crossed Harry's eyes when he did. It was almost too easy for him to read the man now.

"So I should probably get back to work." Harry suddenly looked tired again as he ran his fingers through his black hair. "If it's okay with you sir, I'll go hang out with Doctor Flitwick and the other interns. I guess I'll see you at three for the Spinal Tap procedure."

When Snape did not respond Harry sighed softly. Before he walked away though he summoned the courage to reach out and run his fingers lightly against Severus'.

"Thank you for not getting angry at me and ordering me to get over it like I know you probably would have if I were any of the others," he said quietly.

Severus turned to look at him, allowing his fingers to uncurl long enough to return the finger play.

"I find that you are special, Potter. Far be it from me to fight the instinct to reassure you." His eyes burned another message before he continued. "Don't think that the next time I will allow you to run and hide again though. You are a surgeon now and an acceptable one at that. It has nothing to do with your medical skills if you lose a patient. It happens. Don't drive yourself crazy with a tally of all the ones who die, instead remember the ones who lived. It's far better for your mental health."

"Yes, sir."

Severus indicated for him to re-join the general hustle of the hospital again with a slight tilt of his head in that direction.

"Go. I will see you in surgery at three," he said.

Harry smiled again before putting on a brave face and walking away, leaving Snape to stand for quite a few minutes watching his retreating figure and wondering about what he was going to do next when it came to the two of them.

**XIV**

"Hey Harry," Ron exclaimed in a happy whisper when Harry showed up in the mist of Flitwick's group en route to a liver transplant.

"Hey," Harry responded, but his answer must not have been cheerful enough because Hermione rounded on him to enfold him in a tight hug.

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "You guys are okay and you were both in there with me. So, it would only make sense that I buck up and grow a pair too."

Ron and Hermione each gave him looks of sympathy and for that he pulled them into a quick group hug but suddenly he felt bone tired. Between the flashback dreams, his lack of skills in saving someone who really needed to be saved and the tiny voice that constantly niggled at the back of his head concerning someone blond and unstable, his life seemed to weigh in a ton of guilt at every chance.

"Potter, if you can't concentrate on my voice long enough to answer a simple question, perhaps you should be otherwise occupied."

Harry couldn't even find it in himself to look apologetic as Flitwick's words cut through his reverie. Instead he gave the surgeon a distracted half smile and a mumbled apology that was not convincing even to his best friends.

Flitwick sighed dramatically before he called the group to a halt and called the three to the front of the crowd.

"Yes I thought so," he murmured cryptically before smiling at them. "This would seem a bit trivial for you three wouldn't it? Afterall you've already been in and out of the operating room so many times in the past month that you're practically on staff. Granger, would it be too much of me to ask your help on this one also? Since I'm taking one of the others in I'd rather have someone keep an eye in there while I'm working and this bunch seems to really value your opinion. Weasley, you can stay with the others if you want or find McGonagall. She should be around here somewhere. Check with the GPs. Maybe Doctor Delacour has seen her."

Both Hermione and Ron gave him their consent, though Ron look decidedly happier since he really liked having a chat with Delacour. She was afterall the prettiest doctor on staff.

"You should go to Pediatrics or the Maternity ward." Flitwick turned his full attention to Harry when he had sufficiently caught his breath again. "You're not my intern and I'm sure Severus will have my head for this but with all respect Potter, I don't fancy you being anywhere in the vicinity of a knife. You look like you're about to keel over. Babies will cheer you up. They cheer me up in any case and although you might think that seeing sick children is the last thing you need, you might learn something about life from them. Blimey, go to Psychiatric if you feel like it. They are always entertaining. Just stop moping."

Harry looked crestfallen at the realization that no matter how nice and cheerful Flitwick's words were, he was being kicked out from the group. On noticing this, Flitwick gave him a sympathetic pat on the back and an encouraging smile.

"It's quite alright you know. It happens to the best of us and even Severus is forced to show some reaction when he loses a patient. You really mustn't let it get you down though."

Which was why two hours later when the page was sent out for him, Harry had been sitting on a chair in the Pediatrics ward with about five terminally ill little children avidly listening to him read them to sleep.

Except for the ride in the elevator, he ran all the way.

In the space of two hours the lobby had been transformed from a place of waiting to a zone of chaos. Everywhere around there were people walking back and forth, shouting or crying. Many of them were bleeding from their limbs or face and those who weren't bleeding was shaking uncontrollably from shock.

"Hey Harry, over here!"

Neville Longbottom spotted Harry before he even noticed the group of interns. Still in a hurry, he carefully pushed by to reach the excited man and his friends who stood nearby. Everyone in the little group was chatting excitedly, but from what Harry could see there were no on-staff doctors or surgeons around. Only the nurses were hurrying by in a blur of haste.

"What happened?" Harry asked when he was close enough to shout.

Neville was only too happy to fill him in.

"There was an accident in London. Two subways collided. I didn't hear how it happened but they're rushing patients to hospitals all over England. The helicopters have been flying in but Hogwarts dispatched about ten ambulances. Of course you know they'll never make it fast enough with the two hour drive but it's to get the 'medics on site."

That was the most Harry got to hear before he spotted Doctor McGonagall approaching them at a jog. She stopped just in front of the group and glared at them all.

"What are you all doing standing about? Aren't you surgeons? Go to the roof you idiots! Granger, Weasley, scrub in then meet me in O.R.3 -"

"Potter."

Harry turned his attention from McGonagall at the sound of his name. Doctor Snape was standing beside him. In all the confusion Harry hadn't even noticed him approaching but he hardly had time to dwell on this before Snape reached out to take his stethoscope from the hand that it was once again dangling from, and began to speak.

"Potter. Come. I need you in O.R.1. Scrub in. Don't even wait for me. I'm leaving you to perform these operations without guidance. I'll be in O.R. 7 doing the best that I can. I expect nothing but your best so do not let me down or the family of the patients who you will be working to save."

Harry nodded, frantically. His heart was pounding so loudly that it threatened to drown out the confusion around. Snape wasn't asking him to do a standard operation on a otherwise healthy patient. These patients would have internal bleeding and crushed organs and on top of all that, the one's sent to him would have brain damage. Swollen brains. Cracked skulls. Torn meninges and ruptured blood vessels.

"I know that you've had a long and trying day Potter," Snape said pointedly. "But you are about to have a night worthy of hell."

Harry allowed himself one moment of absolute, heart wrenching fear before he looked at the frozen black fire in Snape's eyes, and nodded again.

He would do his very best for the night.

x-x-x

**XV**

_"Careful where you point that wand Potter or you just might lose the arm that's holding it."_

_Severus pretended not to seem too worried about the slim piece of wood that was pressed into the space between his eyes rather painfully. There was a gleam in Harry's eyes that he had seen many times in his own eyes for the months that had passed since the last night he had shown his face at Hogwarts. Many people said that only the evil or insane wore such a look of wildness. _

_"I'm not taking any chances, _Sir_." Harry spat out the last word in a tone very close to mockery._

_"Do you really think that if I wanted to, you would not be dead at my feet right now?"_

_Harry's eyes glared but his lips turned up into a cold smile. "And do you really think I'm afraid to die after everything that has happened? It's funny how everything seems so trivial when there is nothing to live for. It's funny how there is no longer anything to fear."_

_"And it's funny how blinded one can be when submerged in their own private world." Snape narrowed his eyes to match the glare. "Or should I say your own private hell? That is what it feels like to you right?"_

_They began to circle each other. Snape held his arms out and away from his body. His wand was clutched in the palm of one hand and it was already vibrating in anticipation of an opening to attack. Harry's wand was no longer making contact with Snape's face but his hand was steady as it held the wood almost exactly perpendicular to the place where his own lightning bolt scar was imprinted._

_Snape was not too keen on gaining a lightning bolt scar also._

_"I take it you're angry?"_

_"What tipped you off?" Harry snarled between clenched teeth._

_Snape raised an eyebrow. "I have always thought you to be far too emotional. You react without thought and in doing so you cause an avalanche of reactions where there are others left to save you from your stupidity. One would think you had no brain to reason things out for yourself."_

_"Well I think I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping you here."_

_"Am I to be your trophy now?" Dark eyes taunted. "Will you hand me in to the Ministry and claim your prize? It will not bring him back. In fact, neither of them will come back as they are both dead. Interesting how permanent death is Potter. Nothing you or I can do will turn back time."_

_"Who said anything about handing you in or turning back time? Maybe I want you here to kill you myself. It may not bring them back but I'd feel justified."_

_They stopped and stared at each other across the space of an outstretched wand and now, seven year of enmity. Severus tried to reach through Harry's eyes to his mind, but it was blocked. He wondered if Harry had mastered Legimency as well as he seemed to have finally perfected Occlumency. _

_Time froze with them there and then slowly it melted again._

_"We need to talk," Severus said as if their conversation had only just begun. "I had to do it."_

_Harry's eyes became clouded with sadness. "I don't believe you. I think you wanted him to die. I think you want the Dark Lord to win and I think you love Draco more."_

_"More than who?" Severus asked softly. Harry was silent. "More than who?"_

_He reached out for Harry's wand and brushed it aside. There was no resistance as Harry lowered his arm. The look in the green eyes spoke of entrapment. Snape could not exactly argue against this reaction since he too felt as if he was trapped._

_"Why did you do it?" The words were barely audible._

_Severus considered. "He asked me to. Both of them in fact. Far be it from me to disobey not one but both masters. Seemed foolish, really. So like the humble servant I am, I obeyed."_

_"You killed him."_

_"Yes." _

_Severus reached out a finger to catch the hint of moisture that spilled from the corner of one emerald eye. _

_With one step forward he had Harry in close proximity. It seemed so simple to try and taste the memory of the salty liquid, and so he did. One kiss became a chain of comforting kisses that said more than he could with words. He wanted to pull the younger wizard into a tight embrace that would save him from everything else that would happen and all else who would die before the war was over. In a way he wanted to save Harry from the evil he himself would do in the name of right and justice._

_"I hate you."_

_Severus nodded. He rested his cheek against Harry's and finally brought his arm around to hold his man-child to him. There were so many things separating them and so many things holding them together. There was the passion that had existed since the moment their eyes met and it had only grown stronger as the years passed. Now they would either kill each other or surrender._

_"If it helps," he said quietly. "I did it to protect you."_

x-x-x

The sun had long slipped from the sky to be replaced by a bright silver moon when Harry emerged from performing his final surgery. Twenty-nine hours had passed since the state of emergency had been called and in those twenty-nine hours Harry had become a machine.

He had been so scared.

Faces had merged in his mind and everything depended on which scalpel to use and what blood type was needed for transfusions and which patient was D.O.A or brain dead or worth saving above all others. And every beep of the heart rate monitor was another shot of adrenaline into his body as he worked. Even his thoughts had become streams of words that swirled around his head as a mixture of medical terms and prayers to a God he wasn't even sure he believed in.

Doctor Snape, as Head of Surgery, called a meeting with the members of his department after those twenty-nine hours.

Harry had heard the summon of course, but as he watched the green clothed figures in their white coats, converge in one of the hospital's conference rooms he found that he did not particularly want to join them.

Instead he found a quiet corner on the Pediatric ward, facing the glass wall of the nursery, and there he took a moment to close his eyes.

An hour later he awoke to rapid shakes and a feminine voice calling his name. "Harry? Harry wake up."

"Hermione?" He opened his eyes to see, not only Hermione, but Ron standing over him as well. "Oh hello."

Ron chuckled at the sleepy tone. "Doctor Snape asked us to fetch you. You missed the meeting. He says he's proud of us, all the interns including. Apparently we did good under pressure but he particularly wanted to know where you were."

"Maybe he wants to thank you personally. You were the biggest help to him. The other neurosurgeons were talking about you and how you kept up with them and they were so grateful that you were there," Hermione said almost as proudly as if they had been complimenting her.

Harry just nodded. "It was my job. I couldn't let them die and I didn't do much, Snape took more patients than me. Half the time I was second guessing myself."

He made a face.

"Don't tell anyone," he whispered in a conspiring voice. "I think I'm still shaking."

They took his arms and pulled him into a quick group hug before marching him to the elevator, where they soon abandoned him one stop down, on the third floor. It seemed that they would both be working a little to calm down the few expectant mothers who had arrived with premature labour or spotting. Some were still getting over their shock. If Harry had known earlier he would have visited the Maternity ward, but on suggesting this both Ron and Hermione gave him stern looks and told him to 'get his arse to Snape'.

It felt surreal to him as he entered Snape's office.

It wasn't a big office. Harry doubted that Snape spent much time in the room in any case, but although it wasn't big, it sort of seemed that way. There were only four pieces of furniture in the room; a bookshelf to the side that extended almost as high as the roof, a chair facing a table on which Snape was lounging in what was unmistakeably a tired posture, and the armchair that Snape was sitting so comfortably in.

As soon as Harry closed the door, Snape rose quietly.

There was a distant look in his eyes as Harry faced him. It seemed shadowed, as if he wasn't quite awake, but nothing else gave the impression that the man was less than aware of where he was or who was standing before him. In fact, as Snape took a step then two, closer, his gait was the steady stride of one completely awake. Harry was afraid to move, lest he disturbed the odd atmosphere that was weaved around them. He stood transfixed near the door as Snape paused in the centre of the room.

"Harry." Snape's voice was hypnotically soft and the sound lured the younger man. "Come here."

Harry went with slow steps, as if each leg was wading through air and water. He paused as closely as he dared to the figure that stood before him. Dressed in black in an obvious change of clothes from his surgical attire, Snape smelled like soap and disinfectant and something else that made Harry's insides curl in a manner that sent tingles through his entire body. His black hair hung like a curtain, half obscuring one side of his face, where dark eyes captured Harry's own gaze of green.

Snape reached out a hand. His fingers lightly slid down Harry's cheek. His thumb traced the curve of Harry's lips, pausing only at the expelling of warm air against his fingertips as Harry remembered to exhale.

"Harry," Snape whispered again so softly that Harry's name was like the haunting sound of a ghostly whisper.

Harry's heart raced. He was so afraid that if he did or said anything, the moment would be broken. He felt as if he was falling through darkness and being embraced by light. Or as if just with the touch of fingertips, the man before him was weaving a spell that was so strong that it made him light-headed.

"Close your eyes."

Snape lowered his forehead onto Harry's as both obeyed the same simple command. His fingers slipped away. Instead he aligned the tips of their nose to touch. Their breaths mingled from lips, which were so close, that they were kissing each other through the faint wisps of warmth that tangled in the tiny space between their mouths.

Their arms encircled each other's waist. Snape pulled Harry close until Harry's body bumped against the hard one before him. Harry tilted his face slightly, smiling a little when Snape's forehead slid until the bridge of his nose cradled the other man's.

"Breathe. Slowly." The words ghosted against his lips as Snape whispered them. It was so easy to obey. It was so easy to become lost in the rhythmic heartbeat against his chest and the feeling of being cocooned in warmth as he gave into the sensation of being held.

_"If it helps," Severus said quietly. "I did it to protect you."_

_Harry shifted in his arms but not so much as to disturb their embrace. Instead he turned his head slightly to whisper just as softly against the shell of Severus' ear._

_"And who will protect me from you?"_

_There was the unmistakeable catch of emotions in the words. It was enough that Severus could not ignore it, and so he leaned away and extracted one arm from around Harry's waist to turn Harry's face towards himself. The emerald eyes shimmered like gems, washed in tears that would never be shed by the little lion who believed himself brave beyond his years. It seemed too hypocritical to call the boy foolish when Severus knew that by god, he wanted nothing more than to cradle him in his arms. _

_He had no response to give to the thin tendrils of trust between that had been eroded so effectively by deaths and murders and traitorous re-alliances. Instead, he had only the moment that they stood in and he'd be damned if he let the opportunity pass by without one chance of effecting what he had wanted to do the night that Harry had stood silently falling apart before his eyes._

_He lowered his head slowly, daring Harry to turn away and not knowing what he would do if Harry did. He pulled Harry's bottom lip gently into his mouth, causing a soft gasp to escape the perfect mouth in a whoosh of air. Severus seized that opportunity to cover Harry's mouth with his. _

_Harry allowed for the little shallow kisses before he extended his tongue to trace Snape's lower lips and it was too much to endure. Severus drew his arm back up to cradle the back of Harry's head as he tilted it back. He gave his tongue full permission to explore the dark cave of Harry's mouth, feeling encouraged by the moans that he procured as Harry returned the intensity of the kiss. _

_"Breathe," Severus murmured against Harry's lips. "Slowly."_

Harry didn't even know when they started kissing. He could feel the heat that uncoiled in his stomach as it spread through his body. He was sure that he was shaking like a leaf as Snape held him. His breath caught somewhere in the back of his throat as Snape gently sucked on his lower lip. Then suddenly, before it could be prevented his knees buckled beneath him and found that he was leaning heavily while strong arms held him protectively against Snape's chest.

He broke the kiss, turning his face away to stare at the ground as his face burned crimson.

"Tired?" Severus asked with the hint of a smile as Harry found his proper footing again. "I should apologize. You've probably never had a worse night in your life and here I am assaulting you."

Harry returned the smile, finally looking back up at Severus. "It improved a lot in the past few minutes actually."

Severus gently stroked his fingers through Harry's hair one last time before he extracted himself entirely from Harry's reach by moving to half sit on his desk with arms folded. In that short time he was all business again with the only ghost of their previous closeness being the small smile that still lingered on his lips.

"So, once again I find that you leave me no other choice but to send you home Potter," Severus said, giving Harry an almost genuine looking scowl. "Everyone probably thinks that I'm building up my ruthless reputation by working you within an inch of your life. I would hate to have to correct their assumptions by informing them that you seem to be even more determined to drive yourself into an early grave."

Harry had the good grace to blush at that. He loved his job. He still couldn't quite believe that he was working at Hogwarts and with Severus Snape. If it was one thing he knew it was that Snape was great at being a surgeon and there were a few of the interns who would kill to be in Harry's position. If he wasn't at Hogwarts then he would either be home in the small apartment he was renting in town or he would feel the tug of obligation and have his mind wandering to Draco.

Warm fingers lightly traced his cheek, suddenly.

"Are you alright?" Snape asked.

Harry pulled himself from his thoughts to refocus. Severus was standing in front of him again, not quite hiding the concern that burned in the depth of dark eyes. Harry nodded, trying not to appear so tired and uncertain.

"Yes," he responded, finally. "Just wool-gathering. I'm wondering where I can go. It's not even light outside yet."

Snape raised an eyebrow in a perfect arch. "Yes Potter, I did notice that, but forgive me if I don't see that as much of a deterrent. You need sleep. So go."

Harry rolled his eyes, muttered something about the pot calling the kettle black, then turned and walked towards the door. Just in front of it he stopped, turned to look at the figure in black that was gazing at him and then he took a chance. Chalking it up to his muddled thoughts, he sauntered back over to the surgeon, tilted his head just a little and placed a light kiss against Severus' mouth.

Fingers closed over his arm as he pulled away.

"This..." Snape gestured between the close proximity of their bodies. "Must be kept a secret. I know that makes it seem more inappropriate than it is but -"

Harry saved him the awkward explanation by kissing him a little less lightly this time.

"I understand and it's okay I can keep a secret," he said smiling a little mischievously. "It does seem like that we're always doing this teacher-student relationship though doesn't it?"

"Let's just hope that we don't meet the same fate that they did last time," Severus responded immediately. "I very much doubt that in the next life I'll be so quick to forgive you if you kill me a second time."

Harry was still chuckling when he exited the room.

Walking out into the parking lot of the hospital, the weather promised to provide a perfectly sunny day once the sun did make an appearance. Harry figured that with another day off he might as well get as much done as he could. But first he had a visit to make to a certain someone.

He had never visited Draco before the month ended or so early in the morning. As he started his car, he wondered what the difference would be in his troubled friend.

x-x-x

**XV**

"Mr. Potter!"

The nurse at the front desk was so surprised to see Harry walk into the institution that she seemed to have forgotten that Harry expressly asked her to call him by his first name. She had even risen to her feet, sending a few stacks of papers tumbling onto the floor. She hardly seemed to notice.

He gave her a smile that was only the tiniest bit shaky. "Are the psychiatrists in? I was wondering if I could see Draco."

"No they're not." She seemed to be still considering his words, as if they hadn't quite formed complete sentences in her head yet. "Draco? You want to see Draco? But sir you're not to be here before next Wednesday. Draco isn't...ready...to see you."

The slight pause caught Harry's attention. He was suddenly as serious as his twenty-three years allowed him to be. He knew enough to know what she was hinting at.

"Ready?" He asked slowly. "I don't need him to be drugged to visit him. In fact I came early today so that I could see him in a state other than semi-drugged."

She blushed and then seemed to choose her words carefully. "That's not what I meant sir. I mean, he's not stable you know and we have orders to keep him in as agreeable a state as possible."

Harry had heard enough.

"Not on my orders Millicent," he told her with a glint in his eyes that promised intense pain if she didn't comply. "I'm paying for his care here and so I suggest that you grab the key to his room and let me in. I think it's about time that I see how he is treated when I am not here."

She sighed dramatically but managed to find the key that she needed. Gesturing to him to follow her, she walked him down a corridor he had never been down before and stopped before a relatively normal looking door.

"Remember that I shouldn't even be doing this. It's not visiting hours, but I guess it's only right that you see him without getting attacked. So, I'm not going to lock you in as usual, but the door isn't soundproof so don't hurt him this time."

She seemed resigned, even a bit pleasant as she opened the door and flashed a quick smile into the room. Which was all the indication Harry got that Draco was awake, before he was unceremoniously pushed into the room and the door was shut loudly before him.

He turned around slowly...cautiously, expecting the worst...only to be greeted by an amused smirk on a face he had once found breathtaking.

"Don't look so bloody stunned Potter," Draco said in a perfectly sane drawl. "I know it's a shock but for once you used your little nugget to do something clever. So yes, there are times when the annoying voice in my mind shuts the blaze up and I can think again."

Harry wasn't sure if he could really believe it. His medically trained side kept telling him that statistically, as long as Draco took his L-Dopa medication to control the dopamine levels he had tampered with when he was on cocaine, he was actually supposed to be able to live a normal life. So of course he would have to be lucid at some time.

"But I was told that you wouldn't get better," Harry protested against the voice of reason and the evidence before his eyes. "They told me you were never going to truly get better! And you've been so damn violent. Every. Single. Time!"

Draco rolled his eyes. Rising from where he had been lying casually on his bed, he walked over to Harry and pulled him into a tight hug before the raven-haired man could protest.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. Honestly. And you have the PhD right?" Draco pulled away slightly to flash a teasing smile. "Just so you know I'm perfectly aware that you were never the smartest man around and of course with your little innocent mind you would never think to make sure that you and you alone be given sole responsibility. Because family is so important to you."

"Hey!" Harry gave him a not so gentle shove. "I'm not completely dumb so stop talking to me as if I'm three. I'm confused. So explain and don't be an arse about it."

Draco gave an exasperated sigh as he pulled Harry over to the bed. They sat down with Harry holding a little too tightly to Draco's waist but the blonde didn't seem to mind. He rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

"You know I'm not brain damaged or anything, right? I mean, not relatively more than any natural schizophrenic is. The effects of cocaine on the brain is the same as with schizophrenics in that it damages the dopamine receptors in the brain and so causes an effect similar to an excess of dopamine. Right?"

"Yes Draco I know that, but I was told that you had damaged too many and so they would never be able to control the levels again, even with medication."

"They lied."

"No. Really."

"The question you should be asking is why they lied Harry. You pay for my treatment just like you promised you would. You visit me regularly. Granted you could have been smart like today and visit me randomly instead of acting like a machine and have everyone know when and what time to expect you. But I forgive you for that, because I know you didn't know that they kept me heavily sedated and you didn't think to see my report so it was easy for my father to have it hidden from you that I was improving. And it never occurred to you that every time you visited, my father would have already beat you to it -."

"I knew that, about your father visiting. I knew that he visited."

"Yes well there was where you went wrong."

Harry disentangled himself to stare at Draco even more confused. "He's your father. I can't refuse to let him see you."

"He is not my father. My father was a strong man who loved my mother and me. He's a shell of the man he once was. He sold his soul and now he's hollow and mean." The words were delivered in a drawl, coloured by distaste and anger. "He comes here all the time to threaten me and push me until I break for him. And when I start to shout he convinces everyone that I am dangerous and am experiencing a relapse. He tells them what drugs to use to keep me in line so that he can control what I know and remember. So that I'm always angry and violent."

Draco reached out to stroke Harry's hair, smiling a little sadly at the look of guilt on Harry's face as he did.

"Don't blame yourself. You're a good man. And family means so much to you," he said soothingly. He paused and looked away before continuing in a determined voice. "There are things I have to tell you that I know and that my father never wanted me to reveal and that's why he killed my mother and that's why he keeps me from appearing less than sane."

He rose from the bed, standing in front of Harry, silently demanding full-attention.

"Remember when we first met? You told me that your parents died when you were very young and that until you were fifteen you had to live in a witness protection program? See I already knew that. My father, when he was young, joined an organization. I won't tell you if it was bad or good. It doesn't matter. The thing is, they killed your parents. Actually one man did. The leader. I don't know why and I'm guessing that you don't either. But that man is long dead. My father isn't. My father used to be one of two favourites for the leader. He and his best friend were like the chosen ones for this man. His best friend left the organization and didn't tell anyone. I don't know why he did it or how he managed. That's not important either. But my father still believes in the organization and he believes that if it wasn't for your parents Riddle would still be alive. If it wasn't for you the organization wouldn't have fallen apart. My father thinks that if he kills you then he'll make everything right or something."

Harry nodded to all of that information. He accepted it since that was what was expected. He would ponder everything later but for that moment he focussed only on the importance of Draco's story.

"Where do you fit into this?"

Draco made a face that looked remarkably like a cringe. "I'm sorry Harry. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you."

Harry's eyes demanded an explanation.

"Since I'm your age, my father trained me to be his little assassin. When it started to get really out of hand though, one day my mother made the decision to take me away. I wasn't a child. I knew what she was doing and I decided to just appease her. I was still so enthralled with my father. It was an accident when I met you at school. Such a huge accident. It never clicked in my mind who you were until much, much later. My father never told me your name and I guess I had the perfect image in my head of a little rat that deserved to be squashed. My mother told me who you were, right after I told her I loved you. I got mad at her. We fought. My father found out about it all and he sent me letters promising to find you and kill you. And he just kept asking how I could fail him so much. I guess I cracked. It's a little hard to know you love the person you're suppose to kill. Anyway, the rest you know. My father eventually got my mother alone and somehow convinced her that a bullet to her head was better than being alive. I basically made his work easy for him by having a breakdown and he has been visiting me every month immediately before you, just to keep us apart."

Draco stopped the nervous pacing he had begun to do near the middle of his confession. "I'm only asking that you don't hate me now. I might seem sane but I have my moments and I'm not sure if I could stand it."

Instead of the words of anger that Draco expected to hear, Harry instead stood and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Prat," he said softly. "It's not your fault you have a sucky family and bad taste in men."

Draco laughed at that, pulling away slightly to look into Harry's eyes.

"Sometimes I think that we weren't meant to be friends and something went wrong somewhere and it's a mistake, but I'm a little happy that the mistake was made." He smiled teasingly. "I think I'll always be a bit in love with you. Romantically or not. You're just so bloody naive, it's appealing."

Harry gave him a mock glare.

"You worry too much Draco. I've never met your father so I'm pretty sure that he doesn't know what I look like either. In fact I'll enquire about the paperwork I'll need to fill out, as soon as I reach home. I'll make sure that you're released soon and that no one knows where to find you next. I'm pretty good at covering my tracks. I'll protect you." He hugged Draco yet again, savouring the familiar warmth and closeness of his best friend. "What I'm going to have problems with is you being semi-sane. I just can't believe it. God, I am never going to let you get that bad again. I'll bloody shove your medication down your throat if I have to. I'm so glad you'll be okay."

He was grinning so widely when he released Draco that the blond had to return the smile. He was still smiling when Draco hugged him as he stepped out of the room.

In fact, he was so happy that he missed the sad look in Draco's eyes as he left. And he missed the man in the black suit with platinum blond hair with cold light blue eyes that paused to stare at him as he nodded his goodbye to the receptionist. And he was already in his car and driving away, so he missed the shot that rang out in the mental health institution. Which meant that he missed the uproar it caused that allowed the perpetrator to escape.

And, of course, he missed the goodbye that Draco whispered to him as he laid in a pool of blood.

x-x-x

tbc


End file.
